


Betrayed By My Own Blasted Map

by SwaggerDownTheStreet



Series: I Just Wanted To Ward Off Boredom Why Is Destiny Out To Get Me [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Merlin (TV)
Genre: A Reveal of Sorts, Age Regression, Almost Crack, Borering On Crack, Gen, Merlin Cusses Like a Sailor, Merlin is Very Done, Merlin is a Marauder, Merlin is an idiot, Secret Identity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-06
Updated: 2020-04-06
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:21:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23472364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SwaggerDownTheStreet/pseuds/SwaggerDownTheStreet
Summary: The way Fred and George discovered Merlin's true identity.
Series: I Just Wanted To Ward Off Boredom Why Is Destiny Out To Get Me [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1687600
Comments: 8
Kudos: 336





	Betrayed By My Own Blasted Map

**Author's Note:**

> You don't need to read the first one to understand this, but basically what you need to know: Merlin is a bored immortal who gets bored and goes to Hogwarts as a student "for fun".

In his not-first year, Merlin was delivered a heart attack in the form of two ginger twins.

He had encountered them only briefly before the Confrontation, but he knew that they were absolutely his kind of people. They were total sneaks, seemed to know ninety percent of all Hogwarts secrets, and had absolutely no regard for the rules of the place.

Unfortunately for Merlin, this was part of what made them stumble upon a certain map. The Marauders Map.

"Hey, _Mer_ lin!"

Merlin looked up from an essay he was writing about the twelve uses of dragon's blood. He found the subject a bit touchy and wrote the thing with unrivaled levels of sass.

He sighed deeply. "Hello, Peeves."

The poltergeist flashed his translucent teeth in a shit-eating grin, floating above the library table upside down. "Merlin is doing homework. Why is Merlin doing homework, when there is mischief to be spread? Peevesy knows things... Peevesy knows secrets about students, oh yes...."

Merlin rolled his eyes so hard they might have popped out of his head. "Peeves, I'm trying to keep up a pretense here, which _unfortunately_ requires me to write an essay every once in a while. I'll help you with your ghostly shenanigans after I finish it."

Peeves took an imaginary breath, filling his imaginary lungs with imaginary air. " _All kinds of secrets these students may hold, some of these secrets are worth more than gold, such a shame it would be if dear Peevesy just told--_ "

"Shut _up_ , Peeves!" Merlin stood and chucked his still-inked quill.

This, of course, did nothing. The poltergeist flipped sideways, avoiding the quill completely and cackling like the evil little shit he was. "If you want Peevesy to keep your secrets, there is--"

"I don't have time for this," the warlock muttered. He glanced around to make sure there were no witnesses -- there weren't, as his table was in quite a secluded area of the huge library -- and then his eyes flashed and the poltergeist was gone. "How'd he get in here, anyway? I thought he wasn't allowed in the library...." He went back to his essay.

_The fifth use of dragon blood is to allow the dragon to refer to it in metaphors. Like any noble intell_

Then, of course, Merlin's immortal ears caught the shuffling sounds of someone trying to hide and failing. He used to do that a lot, he should know what it sounds like.

He gave a loud, long-suffering sigh and turned toward the shelves. "Hello. Why are you lurking in the deepest shadows of the library? Looking for your long-lost seventh cousin thrice removed?" The shuffling stopped abruptly. "Yeah, that's right. Keep trying to hide. It's not as if I already know you're there...."

There was muttering. Muttered arguing. And then an identical pair of ginger Gryffindor third-years emerged from around the shelves of dusty, yellowing textbooks.

"Hello." Merlin smiled pleasantly. "Lovely day, isn't it? Is there a particular reason you were hiding there, or do you simply take pleasure in lurking around fading old texts about the impact of the emu wars on modern wizarding society?"

The twins exchanged a furtive glance and seemed to come to a mental agreement. They walked over to Merlin's table, tactfully not mentioning the fact that he was alone.

(It was because he was avoiding Harry, Ron and Hermione; they were desperately searching for a sorcerer by the name of Nicolas Flamel. Merlin knew very well who this was, his significance, and his relevance to the three-headed Dog in the Third Floor Corridor, but he really didn't want to get mixed up in this.)

"We recently procured a certain item--" began Fred.

"--a very useful item--" added George.

"--which showed us something quite interesting."

" _Very_ interesting. So, we figured we would check up on it--"

"--because it was a bit suspicious and, more importantly, quite intriguing--"

"--and, it just happened to lead us to you."

They looked at him expectantly. He stared bemusedly back.

After a moment's silence, Merlin said, "It might help a little, _tiny_ bit if you were just a _tad_ more specific."

They exchanged another glance. Merlin wondered idly if it was true that twins could communicate telepathically. Fred pulled out an old, tattered piece of parchment and and tapped his wand on it. "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good."

Merlin fought to keep his face passive and void of recognition. He knew what the seemingly ordinary parchment was now, though he wasn't quite following where this was going.

Fred laid the Marauders Map out on the table. Merlin raised an eyebrow. "Yes?"

"This is a map of Hogwarts."

"It shows where people are in the castle."

"And it also shows--" He pressed a finger under name in the corner of the Library-- "their names."

Both twins looked at him with their identical raised eyebrows. Merlin looked at the name and tried not to have a panic attack. Just Merlin. No last name. Fuck.

 _Play it off. Play the village idiot and you'll be fine._ "Yes, that's my name." He raised a deceivingly unimpressed eyebrow. "And?"

" _And,_ " George sounded impatient, as if he was talking to an idiot, which he was. "There's no last name. Everyone has a last name. Care to explain, _Merlin?_ "

 _Fuck._ Was Merlin's most immediate thought. He clearly couldn't play this off anymore, not off the top of his head. _My own idiocy never ceases to amaze me._ Was his second thought.

"You can't tell anyone," was what came out of his genius mouth. "At all. Nobody. Absolutely no one. Alright?"

The twins exchanged a shocked-slash-excited grin. "So it's true, then."

"You're _Merlin_."

" _Yes!_ " he hissed. "Just announce it to the world, why don't you!"

"So, are you immortal?"

"Or a zombie?"

"Or maybe an illusion?"

"Why are you at school, isn't it boring?"

"Why aren't you an old man?"

Merlin groaned and slammed his head on the table. " _Look,_ " he grunted. "Yes, I am immortal. I should probably actually be dead, so there's no logic feeding my appearance. And I'm actually here because I got bored. It's significantly less boring than sitting alone in the middle of nowhere for another decade."

Pause. "If you're the most powerful wizard in existence--"

"--then how come you showed up on the map."

Merlin hesitated. "...Because I helped make it," he muttered.

" _Really?_ "

" _Yes._ And now that I think about it, I wonder why the others never questioned me not having a surname...."

"Who are the others?"

"Nobody you'd know."

There was a long moment of silence before Fred said, "I thought you were here to watch Harry Potter or something."

Sigh. "Nope. It was actually complete coincidence that we're in the same year."

"Why don't you?" asked George

"What?"

"Help Harry."

Pause.

"You know what, fine, I will."

And then he did.

**Author's Note:**

> That dragon's blood essay is an actual thing that actually exists. It's fanfiction obviously, but it exists. It's part of a fic called The New Order of Merlin: The Gathering by Kamiccola, which you should definitely go read if you enjoyed this. Go on, nobody's stopping you but yourself.
> 
> Also, comments and kudos are deeeeeeeply appreciated, my fine friends ~~vALiDatE Me~~ I love you all have a good life, I wish you all good health, good fortune, and loTS OF FUCKING LOVE :DDD


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